Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Will we be sucessful in our children's eyes?

This is something that has been resting heavy on my mind a lot lately.

When my children are 30 (27, and 23 respectively), will they know that mommy and daddy worked hard to make treasured memories. Do they know how much thought I personally put into attempting to create these memories, and how important to us it was that they looked back on their childhood with happiness and not disdain?

My questions are.
1. Do I create enough positive, wonderful memories for my children?
2. Is my planning actually done in vain? Because positive memories are not made by the parent, but rather....facilitated accidentally?
3. Is it a combination of both 1 and 2?

My positive childhood memories are few, most of them are entwined with my best friends. I remember pretending I was a mermaid for hours in the pool with Megan. I remember putting our dolls in a stroller and taking them for walks. I remember getting ice cream from the ice cream truck. The cessation of contact with my parents that occurred 11 years ago definately was not without cause, but I won't deny there weren't some positive memories.

This, of course, makes me hyper sensitive to the ideas around my own children. Are they going to remember that one time that mommy got really frustrated because they were fighting all day and yelled, or, are they going to remember the time we sat in the dark when the power went out and played 'who am i'? (a game we created together), perhaps they'll remember camping at Sample Meadow and playing Frisbee in the valley, the love, the kisses, the 'I love you more then all the stars in the sky, more then all the sand on the beach, and more then all the trees in the forest'. Perhaps .. just maybe Quinn will remember that I'm 'his girl'.

Now that I got all mushy, I ask you ... do you feel that you as a parent (or even those without children, do you and our spouse or significant other) create enough opportunities for positive memories? or .. do you feel that they will just create themselves?

I think, it's a combination. You cannot micromanage every facet of your life and expect happiness to occur, sure, that planned trip to Disneyland, my kids will likely NEVER forget. But .. I think an immense amount of happiness comes in spontaneity. So .. perhaps the answer to my questions is that you should as a parent or loved one, seek out good opportunities to offer memory making moments, but, you should not be afraid to embrace the memories that occur without planning.

Madison, Quinn, and Sawyer, mommy hopes every day she gives you all the love, care, hugs, guidance, and support you deserve. :) Love you all, more then all the trees in the forest. :) <3


Anonymous said...

Mysti, this is beautiful. Thank you for some really good food for thought.

Britbabeincanada said...

OMG I ask myself the same things, everything we do is for our children, even if other people dont agree with the way we do things, they might grow up and hate us and hate what we did but we are trying hard and doing the best we can to provide them with the life and memories we would like them to have, we do mess up of course we do, but I am hoping he kids can overlook that and hold positive great memories.

Like Amy my 15 year old says to me if your kids dont hate you sometimes then you arent doing your parenting right.